Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bitter inside

"If you're not happy with the person you're with, don't stay with them. You're not magically going to wake up one morning and decide you're going to be happy again. Someone makes you that way. Find the someone that makes you happy."

I read this over and over and over again.
I knew it. Way before I read this, I knew. I don't wanna stay with someone who doesn't make me happy at all & in fact, makes me cry each time I think of the things that were said & done.

I feel so bitter inside I don't know where or who to let it out to..

Sidetrack a little, bff started her first class today. Her last module - oh God, I'm so happy. We can finally proceed to the next level together. She was nice, took time out to have breakfast with us in the morning before class, & after class, I met her at Downtown East & we watched Valentine's Day.

It was really good but at the same time, it makes me feel really upset inside. It makes me really wanna spend Valentine's day with a valentine, with flowers, with surprises but it's over.. No picnic, no nice pictures to stare at when I transfer them into the lappie, not smiling, no happy & in love all over again feeling when I go to sleep.

I know as every relationship goes, there are ups and downs. But I've never wanted to give up so bad just so I could breathe. And I know if I were to really give up now, I don't think I'll be able to let it go. I'll just be happy that I can breathe, and have my heart lighten but soon I won't be able to breathe again.

Maybe we should be like Bett & CK. Be separated for a long time, distance between us does not just consist of what's within a country but seas, oceans, a few countries or even half way round the globe. Maybe then, you'll realise that you & me, we play a part in making the relationship work. Not just being in love, not just I love yous.

Sometimes I wonder if it's because I tried too hard, or I expected too much out of this person & when this person does not react/respond the way I thought they would, I get so upset with myself & not them.

Never mind, yknow.. I'm gonna cry myself to sleep with your words that pricked my heart ringing in my head like a earworm and wake up tomorrow going to work with swollen eyes, swollen face


GLENDA said...

<3 you, everything's gonna be okay.

denny said...


i hope you'll find a way to make it all brighter :D