Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I was reading through my journal. I wanted to delete everything & I chanced upon this. Someone asked for a picture of us together 8 months ago & I showed them this. We were so happy then. We were at Chunk Fest. We were smiling. We were happy together even though we argued very often. And looking at it right now hurts. Right here in my chest. It hurts a lot. So much I cannot explain. I can barely breathe. I don't know why. Why the fuck am I even hurting? This isn't supposed to be it. I cannot breathe I cannot breathe I cannot breathe I'm not gonna cry I'm not going to cry just because of this... I'm over it I really am!

But if I am then why are you and our memories haunting me every fucking day? Your words. The things you said. What we did together. The fun we had. Our arguments. When we hugged each other & cry. I cannot forget. Every 29th I tell myself I'm okay. I tell myself one day I'll forget what 29th once meant to me. I'll forget how you look like. I'll forget how we look like together. I'll forget our dreams of a home together. I'll forget how I once fought so hard for someone. I'll forget how much I loved you. I'll forget everything about you just like the way you did. I'll live my life happier than you. I'll go on like I never knew you.

Because you can & you did it. So can I.
I hope one day someone hurt you the same way. So you'd understand how much my chest hurts.

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