Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy CNY + Happy V(lonely)day

Have fun collecting angbaoz and eating all the yummilicious food!! Diet will come later hahahaha that's what I told myself! My weight will stop haunting me for awhile while I enjoy all the food that I only get to eat during cny, it will continue to haunt me later, when all these happy new year and eat non stop period is over!

Vday just reminds me how lonely I am this year though I was surrounded by my family which I love-hate. I mean, I'm happy for those in love, those falling in love (ahem, @cherryboomz @yanhui_isdope), those who are married and still in love & those who are grey and still in love. But myself..... Sigh. I know I told J that we need not celebrate Vday on Vday itself because every other day, as long as we're happy & in love,  it is Vday for us. And by happy, I meant, no arguments, no hidden unhappiness or whatsoever. It doesn't seem like it at all these days. Last month, it was perfect. Feb came and I was totally crushed.

Last night I told her I really am very very envious of those who are so happy in love, they never seemed to be unhappy for a long time like the way I was. Envious of others' boyfriends', being really sweet and all during Vday. Whether he has been like this to her all the time or he is doing it because it's Vday, it doesn't matter, at least she deserves it. I wasn't expecting her response to be bad, I mean how bad can it be right?
She just told me to stop being envious of others and be thankful for what I have. The things that I have, other don't; the things that others have, I don't. She is right, I should be thankful. But then again, aren't there times when you really, really envy someone as well? :( for a moment, I felt like I couldn't even express my thoughts to her. I just wanted her to either stop talking about it or just leave me alone.

I wasn't even expecting a huge expensive gift or 8-course dinner at a posh place. In fact, I wasn't even expecting anything at all. Like..just be nice? At least I deserve it, even if it's just one day right? :(

I'll just keep certain thoughts to myself, shut myself up until I feel comfortable enough to let it out. I think I've never blogged like this in public. Letting all these feelings be naked for the first time. After letting it out, I feel so much better :)

P/s: If you actually finished reading this, thank you for listening. I feel a lot better now :)

Goodnight, need sleep for day 2 of collecting angbaoz in thinnest clothing in the hottest weather

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

there was once i saw this quote, i cant rmb the exact words but i know along the line it meant, you have to be upset before you can be happy again. so dont be upset, jan was awesome for the both of you, feb is just an obstacle for the both of you and when march comes, there will be happy times again!!

just stay cheerful and optimistic! you have all of us with you, <3 bff