Been hibernating for awhile now. Not talking to anyone unless necessary, staying indoors more than usual, getting gastric more often because I don't go out at all. I like the feeling of being alone, quiet. But when it starts making me feel lonely, I hate it. The silence can kill me. Sometimes it's too much for me to take. I like being alone but I hate being lonely.
So last week I had the worst week of all weeks in 2k10. But someone made it better. Someone surprised me :)
After all that happened, I thought he wouldn't talk to me anymore. He whatsapped me & said he bought something for me. I was shocked. He wouldn't tell me what was it after I asked. So I thought we were gonna meet for lunch or whatever but he said he'd drive over 'cos they can't keep for long. Seriously, I had no idea what it was. Ice-cream? Maybe fortune kitty!! How'd he know I wanted a fortune kitty? But fortune kitty can be kept long...... It was until I saw him then I realized, boy, do I miss him. He was standing right there, next to his car. I felt like my heart was gonna pop out of my mouth if I don't close them tight enough.
The time from he whatsapped me until right now, I can't stop thinking that the reason why he's being so nice is because he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I'm such a horrible girl, why would he wants anything to do with me? Or maybe he bought it for me because..I bought something for him when I went Bangkok? Or maybe he bought extras. Or maybe C asked him to buy & be nice. I DON'T KNOW! I wish I knew what the reason was.
Jam he made, sweets & a box of chocolates.
We talked until he had to leave, he walked me back, I thanked him again for the stuff & for coming all the way down. I have to admit that the whole night, whatever we talked about & whatever he said has been on my mind. I wish I knew what he was talking about when he told me about cars. I wish I had the courage to ask if he'd teach me about cars & bikes & not find me a nuisance or too much of a bimbo for such things. I wish he'd share why he's so vexed, why he hasn't been sleeping much. I wish our eyes would meet, coincidentally, and he'd smile back shyly.
And if it's not too much to ask for, I wish he'd ask me out. Movie, lunch, dinner, cycle, bowl, LAN whatever. Even if it's just sitting somewhere & talk for an hour like we did that night.
Thinking if I should delete everything just before I publish this.
Secretly hoping he wouldn't read this but ahhh if he did, it's okay. I guess, uh, with him knowing, it wouldn't hurt? Or would it? :/
But if he did....
Thank you, again. You had no idea how much difference your appearance made. It really turned my frown around. So I'll see you, soon? :)
(I hope, after reading this post, he'd still reply "yeh I'll see you")